Advice to help anyone caught in the searchlight of "the system", would and does fill books, most of it written by well-intentioned people, unfortunately very few have been through the mangle of the machine themselves.

Advice about the system that falls like a net around your family at this time can only benefit you if it eases the burden.
Forget the system helping, the most obnoxious smell emanates from the bowels of the social service system when offering help, like a ghoul offering to help you across the graveyard on a dark winters night! Any offer of help should be taken as a threat! Be careful, if you except.

Your only hope of any help is to use the various organisations within these pages, the local citizen's advice bureau and other prisoners welfare groups listed in the links section.

Two things you should concentrate on. One is to sit down with a pen and paper, list all the good things about your life with your partner and include any children in it, make a letter of it and send it to your loved one! It will make you realise why you hurt and at the same time help them to know you care! Never forget the fear anyone has inside of the "dear john" letter. Your whole world inside is no longer in your control, so reassurance is paramount to survive.

The other thing to do is restructure your reduced resources: -

Roof, gas, electric and water are the first to get the good news, try to ease and spread your payments and use the truth sparingly! A long holiday is not the best excuse but having to look after a distant mum or dad is.

Explain to the kids that the all dancing days of the full satellite system have gone and the telephone will no longer be able to be used for mobile calls, as you are going to block them. All the cost cutting exercises should be done, now. Do not just sit and let the world come knocking at your door, meet them half way!

I am well aware of the temptation, to give more monies and goodies to ease the pain, but the snowball will grow as it goes down the hill of debt. It is better to take the pain early, than have it when you are three-quarters of the way to seeing the light at the end of the tunnel.

After clearing up the financial mess left by the sudden temporary loss of your partner and reaffirming your love and need, never forget to rebuild your nest for the time when you are a family again. Keep a future in your sights and it will arrive sooner!

Helping others less able to cope with the strain will mean you have less time to wallow in your own pond of misery. However, the picture you will give out to the "system", will make you feel better!