Ok. So you are inside the prison, and getting to know the lad or lads you are to spend your nights with. Initially you will have to share the pad with one or two others, some pads have toilets inside, some prisons have an open pad system all the time except during meal times, so you can always go to the toilet. Whatever the arrangement going to the toilet so close to another human being if you have not done so as in the military I would imagine this could be a difficult thing, no one gives a dam! So get on and do it, but if you can organise it, do it on your own when your pad mate is out!

Next on the list is the problem sharing, you will find out what your pad mate is in for, Do not talk about anything he may tell you to anyone, in particular a prison officer! Ever never ever, I cannot stress this enough, being a grass or nark as it is also called is the single biggest cause of serious injury in prison!

Talk about everything under the sun except be circumspect in terms of your personal business, you may find your family has an unwelcome "mate" from prison calling on them while you are still inside pretending to be your friend and insinuating himself into your family, it has been known. Also sound out anyone you feel could be a friend while you are inside, make sure they have no other reason for being a pal.

Never invite anyone into your pad if it is not just yours, you may find your cellmate and your new pal hate each other. The list of do's and don'ts could fill a book but I think I should have got the message across by now.

Keep an eye on the prison officers, they like to note down who you keep as friends and who you have arguments with, this all goes down in your file and is a good indication of you mental state and future re-offending potential.

The courses and even the books you read all give the prison an insight into how you tick, as do the phone calls they listen to and the letters they censor. Both incoming and outgoing letters are checked, so asking for the escape map to be sent in or the rope ladder is not going to work. If you wish to talk privately, wait until you get the visit, then you can tell anyone anything.

No prison officer is your friend, remember that, they are doing a job and going home to a family every night, you are not. It is not only their job to make sure you stay locked up, but also to watch you as in a goldfish bowl. Keep this in mind and make them have to work. Your prison houses all manner of different criminals, keep this in mind when showing them pictures of your family, I should not have to spell it out.

The other thing to remember is never ever go into another pad without the inmate being there, unless invited in and then he goes out for a while. Anyone seen in someone else's pad if something is missing will pay a very unpleasant price for it. Be in no doubt any honour among thieves you thought was true folklore, is well and truly misplaced.

Your best bet is to go with the flow and see how everything works, help others less fortunate than you and it will be repaid, you may only get the satisfaction feeling of helping others, but in a world of stress and fear, it goes a long way.