Your first (and only) entrance to prison as an offender. Make no mistake about it the fact that you are in the position you find yourself, whether you protest your innocence from the rafters, or not, is of no consequence to the first set of prison officers you meet, at all. Most of the reception officers are also doing the rounds and include male and female staff. You have your picture taken, you are asked to verify your name and they nearly always ask you if you have any previous and why you are there, which is a bloody stupid question.

If you have any reason to be concerned for your safety as in other prisoners may find your pink dress and purple eyeshadow attractive, you must request that you go in as a Vulnerable Prisoner, this reduces the opportunities regarding employment and freedom of movement, but is outweighed by the prevention of brutality that would land on you, if the other inmates decided you did not conform to their moral code, which is dog eat dog and the fit rule, basically if you are over fifty and do not wish to kill to stay sane, I would opt for the VP.

You are asked to remove your outside clothes, this is done in a respectful and reasonable manner, contrary to popular belief, there is no red-hot shower and internal examination, unless you show signs that you might be concealing prohibited stuff were the sun don't shine. Then you get what you ask for!

The prison reception gives you enough clothes, including footwear to see you onto the designated wing and there you will receive the remainder of your clothes and bedding. Your belongings go into a box with details of everything in it, on a sheet signed by you, on release the same kit well be checked out to you and again you sign for it.

The other little performance requires you to have a quick medical check by the doctor and nurse, this is to verify you are breathing, general health and any medication you require, but more important it is to confirm your mental state.

Your capacity to cope with your incarceration is predominant, in case you attempt to top yourself, should this ever enter your head, tell someone, because nothing and I mean nothing will get you out earlier than horizontal or doing your time.